We had a primer one evening a couple of months ago on the difference between having a missional outlook and a consumerist attitude.
LightHusband, LightBoy and I had dinner out. LightGirl was at the rink and we had shopping to do in preparation for LightBoy’s long delayed birthday party. We went to a restaurant that is one step up from fast food and had salads. It was good and fairly fast. You know what you’re in for at these chains. The food, drink and service are fairly predictable and mediocre. The wait staff are friendly, but not too, and efficient, but not too. We’ve discovered that direct eye contact works miracles because it is, apparently, unanticipated. A smile and a friendly demeanor will also ensure wonderful service. Simply adding “please” and “thank you” to your order and being courteous as you deliver it, is grounds for special treatment. Which leads me to wonder what sort of behavior the wait staff must endure on regular basis.
Over the last year or two LightHusband and I have experienced a gradual shift in our attitude when we enter a restaurant. It’s rather difficult to explain. But we’re there to eat a meal. We’re not there to purchase an experience. There is a difference there. In that way, we’re sort of partners with the wait staff. Well … not partners. But the wait staff are not our subordinates to be sent at our beck and call. Unless they are pointedly not doing their job, they are not responsible for our experience that meal. We read the menu, we ask questions, we order, we eat our food, leave a decent (20-25%+) tip and leave. We believe in treating the staff as human beings who are doing a difficult job and need to be paid a reasonable wage. Since that wage is not included in the price of our food, we add it in at the end.
On the night in question, we had an example of the consumerist attitude. Another family came in and sat near us. They weren’t particularly loud or obnoxious. They seemed to treat the wait staff decently. But like the princess sleeping on a pea, none of the food was quite good enough. The wife sent her frozen drink back twice because “it’s not frozen enough.” As her husband explained, “She likes her frozen drinks to be … you know … really frozen.” and he waved his hands as if that explained it. Huh? The drink looked frozen to me. So did the second one. But apparently she meant frozen as in an iceberg. Undrinkable. Because these just were not acceptable to her. They sent back a couple of other items as well. There was not much at this restaurant that was satisfactory to them that evening. They were polite about it; just demanding, or perhaps persnickety is a better word.
As we left and went on our way. I thought about the difference between our two attitudes. It is possible that the other family had had a bad day and this was not their normal behavior in a restaurant. But this is normal behavior for far too many families. I had to sit silently as I was with a family when they sent a plate of spaghetti back because it had “green stuff” on it (dusted with oregano or parsley) and their 9 year old “… won’t eat it like this.” Interestingly the 9 year old never said a word. It was the parents who freaked out. It never occurred to them to just scrape the offending “green stuff” off and participate with the staff in the dinner. Or give their 9 year old the ability to own his own experience.
So, I’m coming to learn that having a missional outlook embodies an entirely different attitude about being out in the world. It means being involved with the people I come into contact with, even if only superficially. This is no stretch and I’d hope all of us were taught by moms or grandmothers or someone important, to treat others as we wish to be treated. But I think it’s very easy to forget that there are real people turning the cogs of efficiency in our big department stores and chain restaurants. Real people with families and hopes and dreams … just like mine.
