More from the LightHusband file.  Today it’s an article in BBC about fire ants dropping upon the worshippers at a Buddhist Temple in Malaysia.

According to the tenets of Buddhism, living creatures are not to be harmed.  So the monks face quite a dilemma in dealing with the fire ants, who are biting them and fellow worshippers at the temple.  Previously there was a snake in residence, but s/he seemed oblivious so life went on.  The ants are not quite so accommodating.  The chief monk seems to have hit upon a solution though:

They cannot encourage anyone to harm the ants, but the chief monk says that if someone turns up unbidden and deals with them without the monks’ involvement then that is the will of the universe.

“… the will of the universe.”  I like that.  This sounds like a prayer on the internet.  I like that too.

Among the friends that I am thankful for, is the multi-talented and oh-so-creative P3T3RK3Y5. Pete, to his friends, makes multi-tasking look ridiculously simple and multi-media like a first grader could handle it. But we all know better. Here is one Pete’s latest creations, set to Chris Tomlin’s Indescribable … it is, well, you know ….

… for

1. Houseguests (this week it’s CityMouse)

2. New spectacles

3. Friends who listen when I whine

4. A backyard trampoline

5. A new job for H. that she loves

6. The color yellow

7. bright pink cheeks and sparkly eyes

8. Stories

9. Quiet

10. My mural

There are many points in the Old Testament where the Hebrew people are referred to as “stubborn and stiff-necked.” The context is such that this is clearly meant to be a negative description of their character. When I was much younger I found this somewhat confusing. Being raised in New England, I was taught from the cradle that character traits such as stubborn and stiff-necked were something to be sought after. They meant that one would be able to withstand the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune with little assistance from others. So it made the text of those passages rather dim for me.

Then I discovered that the reference to stiff-necked was to oxen. It meant something to an agricultural people who used oxen to plow their fields and pull their carts. An ox who is stiff-necked does not respond to his master. He does not take direction from the dude in charge. He requires a much harsher prod and harder discipline in order to provoke the desired response. This gave me new perspective on the Old Testament description. I also suddenly realized that I did indeed have much in common with those heros of old … but it was not to be desired.

All of which is to say I learn hard.  Academics come easy to me.  Life comes hard.  Learning the lessons and turning my life around … listening the voice of my Driver … well … I am stubborn and stiff-necked.

One thing I am slowly and o so painfully learning is how to be thankful for what I have.  How to see my life for the things I have and not for the grass on the other side of the fence.  I have learned a great deal in this regard from a wonderful woman in Texas who (tongue in cheek) refers to herself as “The Princess of Quite A Lot.”  She has a thankfulness list every Thursday and invites her readers to share in that.  So, in a small attempt to begin to bend my stiff neck, I’m going to follow her lead.  This first list is late … 2 days late.  But I am nonetheless thankful for these things:

1.    Clutter … protects the carpet when you inadvertently dribble your coffee. 😉
2.    Coffee.  I love coffee.

3.    Clean water … right from my tap.  It’s amazing.

4.    Hockey and how happy it makes LightGirl.

5.    Blue fabric … I love blue fabric … rich deep blues

6.    Putting Christmas away for the year.

7.    Design Team … I love these people

8.    Quilts to sleep under

9.    Snow

10.    Cheese

This prayer from the Northumbrian Community speaks to me.

Lord, You have always given
bread for the coming day;
and though I am poor,
today I believe.

Lord, You have always given
strength for the coming day;
and though we are weak,
today I believe.

Lord, You have always given
peace for the coming day;
and though of anxious heart,
today I believe.

Lord, You have always kept
me safe in trials;
and now, tried as we are,
today I believe.

Lord, You have always marked
the road for the coming day;
and though it may be hidden,
today I believe.

Lord, You have always lightened
this darkness of mine;
and though the night is here,
today I believe.

Lord, You have always spoken
when time was ripe;
and though you be silent now,
today I believe.

A prosperous and peaceful 2007 to you … may your trials be surmountable and your joys innumerable.

A couple of weeks ago, our church service featured a fireside chat/discussion about prayer. We spent the whole service talking about what prayer is for each of us, what kinds of baggage we might have coming from our various institutional churches. We pondered what exactly it is that prayer does. How does it work? What is the purpose of prayer, we wondered. As is fairly usual for my church we didn’t come to any conclusions. I don’t think I was alone in leaving with the tiniest frustration that we spent the whole service talking about prayer and then, um, didn’t pray. My largest fear with my wonderful little faith community is that we tend to over-intellectualize things, especially those issues which might bite too close to the bone.

In any case, I’ve spent a fair amount of time since that Sunday thinking about prayer and about my particular journey with prayer over the past 17 years. Whoosh … that’s a long time.

I’ve read many books on prayer. The most influential was Richard Foster’s Prayer: Finding the Heart’s True Home. I’ve read it a couple of times. His writing and beliefs on prayer have become internalized and I have no ability to review the book with any sense of objectivity. I’ve read other books which promise to unlock certain aspects of God, they promise health, wealth, vitality, etc. if one will just follow this or that particular prayer formula.

I’ve certainly had my ups and downs with prayer. I remember the young father of 2 little boys in our community group, diagnosed with cancer. We laid hands on him. Anointed him with oil. We prayed over him, for him. If effort counted for anything he would still be alive. But he died after 6 months. There was nothing the doctors could do … and they did try. Prayer, seemingly, did nothing. But maybe it did. Who knows. Perhaps he lived longer, perhaps he lived easier. Perhaps his wife felt stronger for all of it. I remember my cousin’s child who died after 3 days in intensive care and after my cousin donated part of his liver in an effort to save his dying son. Four churches were praying for the boy and still he died.

I came to learn that God does not call us to pray because we can have control over a situation. It should be obvious to all of us that we do not. There are scientific studies which prove that prayer has a positive effect on people with chronic and terminal illness, but no one knows why. Some things must remain a mystery.

I’ve come to a place where I’m beginning to understand that God has asked us to pray because He wants the pleasure of our company. It’s so simple that it’s mind boggling. He just wants to be in communion with His creation. Sometimes that communion will cause a change in events. Sometimes it will not. Sometimes it will cause a change in us. Sometimes it won’t. Sometimes it will ease our burdens. Sometimes it will cause them to be heavier. But we cannot change outcomes with our words, we can only participate in redemption. There is no magic formula that will change our lives. We cannot do it at a specific time each day or in a specific way and hope that the mere chanting of words will create a cleansed soul within us. We can merely turn ourselves little by little, degree by degree until we are facing in the direction of God and learning to pray and breath at the same time.

We’re embarking on a new journey at my church. We’re diving into the Jewish holidays this year to see what the study of the roots of our faith can teach us about us. We began this past Sunday with Rosh HaShana and we’ll continue with Yom Kippur on this Sunday next. We’re having to play fast and loose with the dates because we’re limited to meeting on Sundays. This feels slightly disingenuous to me, but I’ll get over it.

Then, because we’re “generous liturgists,” we played fast and loose with the themes of Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur … and flipped them too. So this past Sunday we examined the themes of sin, judgement and repentance. Next Sunday we’ll examine grace, mercy and forgiveness. It seems to me that in the Jewish tradition things are not so tidy and separate. But they’ve had about 5,000 years to build these traditions and they take whole days to celebrate. We’re doing it in an hour and a half. I still feel like we’re cheating.

All of that is to say, I’ve been think a lot lately about the themes of repentance and grace. Sin and forgiveness. Judgement and mercy. Studying the Jewish traditions has thrown our Christian traditions into bas relief ; like a woodcut almost. I see them in their starkest forms. Being the sort of person I am, I’ve been busily drawing parallels and links from one tradition to the other; finding the roots of us in them. Much of what I’ve learned has turned my past knowledge of Jewish tradition on it’s ear. It’s helped me see Jesus in a new light. It’s also causing me to be a more than a little critical of some of our current traditions.

In particular I think we’ve become grace-abusers in the church today. I think (and I include myself in the word we) we are entirely too flippant about the gifts of grace, mercy and forgiveness. I don’t think we should spend time becoming ascetics or self-flaggellants, but I think we need to spend more time understanding the full weight of the judgement that has been lifted from us. In part, I’ve enjoyed the study of Rosh HaShana and Yom Kippur because I’ve begun to to come to a greater comprehension of what it means. In the Jewish tradition, they take time each year to engage with that. To wrestle with their own humanity in the face of God’s divinity and then to be thankful for the gifts of grace, mercy and forgiveness that He extends to them.

It may be that Easter and Lent were originally meant to fill this role in our tradition. But I think we’re missing that proper sense of balance between judgement and mercy, sin and forgiveness, repentance and grace. We’re happy to hear the mercy, forgiveness and grace side of the story. But we don’t like to examine the judgement, sin and repentance side. It’s when we have both in balance that God’s work shines in the world. When we can examine ourselves clearly, and see ourselves objectively, we can begin to be the change that we wish to see in the world. I think that until we’re willing to do that (and it’s unsightly, painful work), we’ll just be another group of people talking a good talk and not doing anything.

Father, I ask you now to forgive my sins.
Forgive the sins that I can remember, and also the sins that I have forgotten.
Forgive the wrong actions that I have committed, and the right actions I have ommitted.
Forgive the times I have been weak in the face of temptation, and those when I have been stubborn in the face of correction.
Forgive the times I have been proud of my own achievements, and those when I have failed to boast of Your works.
Forgive the harsh judgements I have made of others, and the leniency I have shown myself.
Forgive the lies I have told to others, and the truths I have avoided.
Forgive me the pain I have caused others, and the indulgences I have shown to myself. I ask in the name of Jesus, your son, Amen. (from Celtic Primer)

Some news is energizing. It gives life and joy. Some news makes your knees weak and causes you to sit suddenly as if the air had swiftly left your balloon. My faith community received some news of the later nature this morning.

The four month old son of one of ours died last night. His race was short but intense. He ran hard for his brief time here. He was born with but half a physical heart, yet he had a huge emotional heart. It shone out of his big blue eyes and twinkled as one locked eyes with him. He became from his tiny bed an inspiration to even grown men and women to run marathons, and look into places they had never peeked before. Even resting, Will breathed as if running hard. He ran agains the odds until he could run no further.

Father God, we thank You for sharing Will with us oh so briefly. Those bits of You that glimmered in his eyes were a treat to behold. We ask that you will hold his parents closer than ever as they miss their boy deeply. We seek you now in the dark places we must go as we journey through the valley of the shadow of death and ask that your rod and staff comfort us and Will’s parents. We ask that your peace descend upon them and your comfort heal their wounds. That they would be knit together closer than ever through this. It is in your Son’s name given to us that we might be found, that we pray.

… for a fellow RevGal who is going through a rough stretch with her community. You can read about it here and then click on “next entry” four or five times to get the whole story. It’s a terrible tragedy.

May God shed the light of His grace and mercy and compassion on Cheesehead and all of her people during this time of tragedy and trial. We pray you gracious God to send your peace which passes all understanding to all of the family members of the victim; that they might know Your redeeming love in ways deeper and wider than ever. That they might experience redemption in such a way that their relationships might be redeemed at some point in the future. Father we especially hold Cheesehead up to you during this time and ask for extra helpings of strength and grace for her as she tends to your flock, binding up the brokenhearted, and tending to her own wounds as well. Lord, it is not enough for us to know that the world is full of evil, we beseech you for reminders that You are good. That it is in You we will find our strength and our joy regardless of the situation. We thank you for your steady right hand supporting Cheesehead and your loving left arm that is embracing her as she goes. It is in the name of your precious Son, given that we might live, that we pray this night … Amen.