I’ve been fumbling around lately. There’s a lot going on in my head (which may be dangerous). You’ve seen the results of some of it, but not too much. I feel torn though. I have a lot of different people who read this blog. Some of them (hi Mom) read it because they love me. Others read it because I’ve fooled them into thinking I’ve got something interesting to say every once in a while. But I find that I want to focus my scope here. So, I’ve been doing some building and creating. I’ve made a couple of other homes … this may make me feel slightly schizophrenic, I don’t know. But I made a blog to talk about my family life; hockey, homeschooling, etc. Like I can brag over there that LightGirl was named Player of the Week on her team last week. That blog is called Grandfather Ent and if you’ve developed any sort of interest in my kids and their hockey, you can follow them over there. I also decided that I needed a place to write about my adventures in quilting because not writing about it was making me a little bit nutty. I’m also going to post occasional photos of my WISPs (that is Works In Slow Progress). I called that blog Withywindle Counterpanes. I’ll be writing more about churchy, Jesusy things here from now on and keeping my children and design things for my “other” spaces. I’ll see how that works.

I’ve done some maintenance on my sidebar here too. I’ve split up my blogroll into two pieces. I wanted to call attention to the women bloggers that I follow and give them a special place. So I called that folder “Galadriel” for the leader of Lothlorien in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. She was a leader with power who focused on peace. The men that I follow are still under “Beacon-Hills” which I also think is fitting.

You may have noticed a trend here … I seem to find a lot of my nomenclature from MiddleEarth. Yep. I do. That’s because those stories have always spoken into my life and continue to do so. For instance, Calacirya is the name of a ravine. It’s mentioned only once in the books … but it’s known as the Ravine of Light, hence the reason I refer to my husband and children as LightHusband and LightChildren. I used to have a pseudonym which was Celtic and meant Lady of Light. I like the light theme and will be using it more often in the future. I’m not certain how that will play out, but it will.

I’ve also added a couple of icons to my sidebar.  One is for the new book written by Patrick Oden, It’s A Dance.  This icon leads to the website he’s created to go with the book.  Patrick’s got a unique vision for church that I’d like to encourage … so here’s my tiny, little helping hand.  Click on that link and explore his site.  Better yet, read the book! then go to the website.  I know Thanksgiving is nigh, but I now have a hunger for something better and not yet after reading it.  I’m fairly certain it’s not pie!!  The second icon will lead you to the Daily Office of the Northumbria Community.  I’ve been praying that off and on for several years now out of my book (Celtic Book of Daily Prayer), which can get awkward and cumbersome; flipping back and forth between bible and pages, etc.  I just discovered that the Northumbria Community has their Office on-line and it is sooooo convenient.  I even built myself a “gadget” for my Google Homepage … it will be available to the general public in about ten days if you’re interested.   This makes it fabulously easy to pray with the saints worldwide.  So you can get to it through the icon on my sidebar and wander around the island at Northumbria for a while.  Then stay and pray with me if you will.  I’d love it.

There you have it … I’m seeking some zen or other of blogging.  I’ll let you know if I find it.  We’ll see if this works out … or not.

Our new bed arrived. It’s beautiful … as may be seen in the photo below. Of course, I think it’s enhanced by my “We Can Learn Alot From Geese” quilt that is gracing it. For those of you who like such things, that quilt is made with all pre-1900 reproduction fabrics. The greens are a so-called poison green which I love. The blocks came to me from a block exchange in the summer of 2005. I belong to a loosely defined group called the Historical Block Society. We make and exchange quilt blocks. That summer we made flying geese blocks that just about killed us. I asked for blocks that were set with poison greens. Others asked for blocks in blues, or reds, or yellows, etc. Everyone in the group looked askance when I asked for poison green. But now they all agree that I have the most striking quilt. Hah! It’s what you get for thinking outside the box.

So, Julie, I did clean our bathroom (before I read your comment and likely at a similar time as you 😉 ). It had also been … well … also a long, long time (I don’t want to think about how long). And it feels good to have a clean bedroom and bathroom again. Sherri, I think you’re right about being in the middle. I think I’m going to be in the middle for a long time … because now I/we are about to paint the bedroom and the family room (in no particular order) and I spent a good deal of yesterday ordering blinds for the masterbedroom, guestroom, and family room and fabric for new curtains in the family room. And Cindy, there must be something to your theory as well about home makeovers and grieving being similar. I wonder if we don’t grieve the old as we’re bringing about the new?

I did also get to spend a good deal of time yesterday with a good book … Patrick 😀

I’ve been honored to be a pre-publication recipient of Patrick Oden’s It’s A Dance. So I’ve been reading that lately. It’s really quite good … which is not a surprise to me, because I’m familiar with Patrick’s writing through his blog. Yet it is a surprise. It’s A Dance dips, sways and sashays through scripture and novel and textbook … not really one or the other and yet somehow all three. I’m not nearly finished yet, so I won’t do a proper review … but it’s quite good and I heartily suggest that you put in your pre-order now! I think it’s available here and here.

The LightKids have been on their own this week and it hasn’t been good. We need to get back into a learning routine, which will involve they and me cleaning out the school room. On the other hand, some learning takes place even when school is not in session … for instance:

Science sometimes happens out on the deck … when nature shows up.  In this case a praying mantis came calling.  LightBoy obliged and explored.  He tried eating and feeding the praying mantis.  I’ll leave you to determine which was more successful.

Bill Kinnon (of the Ends Achievable) has a great post on digital rights management this afternoon. He’s talking about the general shift in attitude of the music and other industries to considering that their customers are stealing the products they are selling. It’s really sort of sad when you consider it.

It makes me angry when I purchase a song from iTunes and the only place I can play that song is on my iPod or the specific computer I purchased it on. I know that someone is going to come on my blog and stick up for the artist and their rights to be paid for the song. Trust me as I write this piece there is almost no one more empathetic to the rights of an artist to be paid for their work. If the musicians were actually getting a piece of that pie, I’d be sympathetic, but the reality is that the music companies are getting the large portion of that money, not the musicians. If I pay $.99 per song, how much is the musician getting? Really …

Here’s what the whole post got me thinking about though. Last month our guild had a speaker come in to talk to us about copyright law and quilters. I didn’t get to be there because … I’d just come home from the hospital (remember that fun?). In any case she spent the entire evening telling our group of kindly little old ladies about how they were breaking the law when they used a pattern more than one time. Or shared it with a friend. Or some other horrible offense. Again, don’t get me wrong. I design quilts and some day I hope to publish designs. But as an artist it would be my fondest hope that people would share those with each other. If I found out that people thought enough of my doodles to share them with each other, I’d be THRILLED. I certainly would not swear out a warrant after them. Now though, there is a current of fear in my little guild that never existed before. My wonderful ladies worry about whether or not they can make their quilts and give them away. They are fussing about things they don’t need to fuss about. All because someone had a little bit of knowledge and decided to pass along some fear.

It’s rampant these days. Have you noticed? Fear sells. It sells cars. It sells insurance. It sells politicians. It sells whatever someone wants you to buy. But it sells. It’s not how we used to sell things here … but it’s how we’re selling things now. Fear. Our greatest desire lately seems to be safety. So we’re listening to the people hawking fear.

My friend, Doug, who peregrines around the land hath tagged me once again. It is the dread 8 random facts meme … but I’m not so into random facts lately. I don’t know what to do here. I want to point people to 8 … somethings. But in the end that’s really pointing to me and what I like and there’s something about these memes that are ultimately very self-centered. Of course, the whole blogging thing is too for that matter.

So I am tasked with coming up with 8 items of note about something, someone, or etc. Soo … here are 8 things I am thankful for today:

1. I am thankful that LightGirl’s temperment is not at all like mine. This is not because I have self-image issues, but because I am enjoying watching someone with an entirely different outlook explore and enter the world. I really love talking with her about different episodes in her life and hearing her perspective on them. She is so completely different from me and I am enjoying that very much.

2. I am thankful for antibiotics. I seem to have inherited my maternal grandfather’s predilection for sinus problems and so I’m thankful for the drugs that cure these ills.

3. I am thankful for coffee. I love coffee. If I could travel back in time, I would go back to the time when people first discovered coffee was good to drink and I would kiss their feet. Well … maybe not their feet. But I would hug them and kiss them and tell them what a wonderful thing they had done!

4. I am thankful for cotton. It’s one of three fabrics that feels good to my allergic skin and the other two are frightfully expensive. So I love cotton. I especially love it when it comes in the form of quilting fabric and I’m working on a quilt for someone I love (yes, GreatPea, your time is coming soon 😉 ).

5. I am thankful for BlazingEwe and TexasBlueBelle. They have kept my feet on the ground and helped me put one foot in front of the other more times than I can count.

6. I am thankful for the gift of creativity. The joy that comes from experimenting, designing, doodling and creating is without words. I love to play with color and words and shapes and make them all come together and “say” something using very few (if any) words.

7. I am also thankful for words, because I love to write. I love giving voice to the stories and ideas that wrestle in my head. I love to study the evolution of language and how words have depth, texture and meaning beyond what we think they do. That our language is not flat and two dimensional, but rich and deep and even four dimensional as it changes with time.

8. I am thankful that as I get older I am more and more able to embrace being an introvert. As a woman it is unacceptable to be an introvert, so I had to interact as an extrovert my whole life. But I’m learning how to balance cultural expectations with my own needs a little better now. Interpreted, yes, this means I’m learning to not care what others think quite so much anymore and I’m thankful for that. I’m thankful that I’m growing more comfortable in the skin God gave me.

Sooo … the rules state that I’m to tag eight more people and they have to do this too.

WHATEVER!

Rules … schmools. Did I also tell you that I’m somewhat rebellious? I’m going to tag a few people … I don’t know how many … for the all new Thankfulness Meme … You have to list 6 – 8 things you’re thankful for and then pass it on to whomever you think might need this little exercise in futility … Here are my victims er friends:
Doug
JJ the Smu
Makuta
Lyn
Mak
Erin

The past couple of days have been hectic. Saturday saw the return of the GrandPea to camp and an unanticipated visit to an Urgent Care clinic for LightGirl. It seems that she may have torn her meniscus while at hockey camp last week. She’s on crutches now and we’re wending our way through the medical system to see how we should best proceed. Sunday began with a family breakfast then packing, sorting laundry and good-byes. Good-bye to GreatPea (my aunt), LightMom and GrandPea, as LightChildren were off to a week with their other grandparents. LightHusband and I are back at camp. And peace. And quiet. And phone calls to doctors. And just a little bit of worry.

LightMom and I went to a quilt exhibit together.  She loves to look at quilts almost as much as I do.  The difference being that I like to also make them.  We saw these quilts at the Shelburne Museum.  The exhibit was called:  Something Pertaining to God:  The Patchwork Art of Rosie Lee Tompkins.  Rosie Lee (not her real name, she took a pseudonym so she wouldn’t become too proud) said she would think of something important when she pieced, you know something pertaining to God … I really liked that.  I think about those things when I’m piecing and quilting too.  If I’m making a quilt for someone specifically, I pray for that person or their family.  Or I weave thoughts and dreams for them into the quilt.  This is likely not unique to me and/or Rosie.  I think that many quilters weave hopes and dreams into their quilts.  I liked the way that Rosie put it “… something pertaining to God.”

Rosie’s voice is tied up in her quilts (and quilted book pouches … she made some to match the quilts).  She died a couple of years ago.  I wish her voice was verbal instead of fabric.  I have no doubt she has some wonderful earthy wisdom to pass on.  I’ll bet it’s colorful and interesting too … told with a twist.  Born and raised in Arkansas, then she raised a family of five in California.  I’m certain she had stories to tell.  What a treat it would have been to sit quietly, stitching and listening as she sewed and talked … just to hear her voice and learn her technique.

I have sat and stitched with other quilters; learned their techniques, talked with them, cried with them, shared secrets with them.  I’ve learned over the years which voices to listen to.  Which have knowledge that I can profit from and which are fun to chat with, and which will give me support.  Who to call for help with applique or help with quilting or help with tricky set-in seams.  I’ve learned how to sort out the voices … who will tell me what is tried and true.

I’ve been thinking about that today.  I’ve been thinking about voices and who I listen to.  And who I don’t.  And why.  I’ve come to love the internet.  It’s a great place.  You can find anything there that you want.  For instance, I scared myself skinny (well … almost) about LightGirl’s meniscus tear this morning.  You have to be selective about which voices you’re going to listen to out on the big wide internet.  There are voices out there which will scare you and cause you pain.  I’ve found over time that when I keep going back to those voices (getting scared and/or hurt), that the authors are not the inflictors of the fear and/or pain … I am.  The site is static.  I am going to it.  If I keep going to it and getting scared, then I need to stop.  So I do.  As in this morning, I stopped looking for information when it was causing me too much worry about LightGirl’s condition.  I’ll wait til we get a definitive diagnosis from a real doctor, instead of the dr. dolittle on the internet.  I love the fact that I have control over who I listen to and when and why.  So that if I’m in pain or fear I can stop listening to that voice.   And listen instead to the voices of quilts or quilters … or even, the Holy Spirit.

Breakfast at our lovely inn is served family style. This morning there was another couple here. So we sat at a long table with strangers in that uncomfortable place where conversation is anticipated but no one quite knows where to begin. And no one has really had a cup of coffee yet either. LightHusband excels in those situations; I feel like a turtle who has lost her shell. But we all survived and got know one another over some of the most delicious baked french toast with blackberry compote you will eat this side of heaven. Oh … well … none of you, dear readers will get to eat it; you’ll have to imagine it.

We discovered that our fellow inn-mates were here in Estes Park to get married. It is a second marriage for both so they were keeping it small. Our inn keeper doubles as a justice of the peace, so he would do the honors. We wished them well as they left the breakfast table and each went on our way.

It so happened that they were out in the courtyard when we came back out to leave on our adventures for the day. We wished them well again and off we went in our “keen-vertible” (as the gate-keeper at Rocky Mountain National Park dubbed it). We only got about 50 feet down the road when I said to LightHusband, “Do you suppose they have a photographer for their wedding?” He said, “You know, I was just thinking the same thing.” So we turned around, went back and asked if they’d like a few photos of their wedding. Um … why … certainly. Beaming, grinning from ear to ear. So we arranged to meet them and went on our way (to a quilt shop … hehehehe … I must get my quilting in). Across the road from the quilt shop some elk came to mow the neighborhood lawns.

We arrived back at the inn at the appointed time to find the groom looking anticipatory and somewhat taxed with the weight of expectation. The participants gathered and we all found our way to Lily Lake, which is a beautiful spot at the foot of Longs Peak. It is also part of the Rocky Mountain National Park. LightHusband took some wonderful photos and we both were witness to a beautiful ceremony that had more depth and heart than many large church weddings we’ve been to. Mr. InnKeeper is a deep well and has put together some profoundly moving thoughts about marriage and life that I was privileged to hear this morning. Both LightHusband and I were honored in some deep part of our souls that this couple opened up their sacred space and shared it with us. It made our time here very special.

The rest of the afternoon was spent dwawdling around in Estes Park and the RMNP. This evening we had a special quiet candle lit dinner for two … just us two in the dining room here at the inn. It was delicious. Every moment of it was delicious. The best part was coming out and discovering a sunset straight from heaven. See:

Yesterday, Smaug roared. He didn’t just rumble or growl or roll over a bit. He sat up and roared. It made for a bad morning. I didn’t know where to turn or if I would be able to escape. Fortunately, I had an appointment for a med check with my psychiatrist in the afternoon.

My psychiatrist is truly wonderful. He’s not supposed to listen to me as much as he does, but he does. I told him about Smaug’s roar and how I’ve lost my way and I don’t know quite know who I am anymore. We talked for a while. He had a suggestion. Now I have a doctor’s note to quilt more. To define myself by the things I like to do rather than the things that I hate. But I have permission to have fun. Permission. I stole something from Smaug yesterday and he doesn’t realize it yet. I think I’ll get this one out of the cave too.

BlazingEwe and I were all set to go out to dinner.  The LightChildren and FlamingLambs were at the rink with LightHusband.  BlisteringSh33p has a mysterious fever so he was home in bed.  BlazingEwe got a phonecall from a mutual friend, TexasBlueBelle.  Her teenage son had disobeyed his father and had left their house when he’d been told not to.  Both parents were over an hour away and son has been having a troubling year.  Would we go pick him up?  He considers us his other mothers.  So, off we went on a mission of merciful chastisement.

It proved to be an interesting several hours long conversation.  BelleSon was completely and utterly honest with us.  Oh, he spun a few yarns and gave us a few lines that he thought we’d want to hear (and I will revisit those at another time).  But it was another gem I stole from Smaug’s pile to recover and build a relationship with a teenager last night.  I had forgotten how wonderful those interactions with teens are.  We laughed some and gave him some key things to work on.  He said he’d like to keep meeting with us.  A small miracle happened right in front of my eyes.

So I ended the day with 2 pearls in my pocket, two miracles that I do not deserve.  But I will keep these.  Somehow I will get out of the cave with these.

… and a dollar short.

I could say that Lent snuck up on me this year. But that would imply that I normally have my act together in terms of Lent. Lent always sneaks up on me. It is a season that has always been mysterious to me. In high school, I had friends who were Catholic. Ash Wednesday they came to school with smears on their foreheads that even they were at a loss to fully explain. We made jokes about giving up ketchup or something silly. But somehow we knew were making the sacred, profane.

Later on, I thought about using the time to give up bad habits that I knew were harmful to me in an attempt to rid my life of them. Cigarettes. Chocolate. Beer. Alcohol. The problem was I didn’t really know what I was doing or why. So I would think really hard about doing it and pretty soon the season would pass and with it the thoughts. I have yet to give up chocolate or beer. I simply reserve them for really special times 😉 and have really good chocolate or beer.

Then I gave up on Lent altogether. I just couldn’t understand it. The church tradition I was a part of had no teaching on it. And, I was quite busy with other things. It was an old tradition for other people. It was no part of my life and I had no need of it.

Then I read a really good book about a year or so ago, called Sacred Rhythms (updated and now called GodSpace), by Christine Sine. In this book, Christine writes about the rhythms of our lives and the heartbeats that we live to. I’ve been pondering where the rhythms are in my life and the life of my family. How does the tide run in and out? What are the larger circadian rhythms and the smaller orbits that we follow? The church seasons impact us and the larger holy days provide markers; those being Christmas and Easter.

Which brings me back to Lent and the preparation for Easter. What will we give up? What will we add? How will we use this forty day period to bring us closer to the orbit of God. In some ways, the Pantry Challenge 2007 was a wonderful preparation. It has changed our view of meals and food in ways that are hard to quantify and verbalize. But I think as I’m moving forward to into 2007 one of my key words for the year will be “simplify” or “enough” … that is, that I and we have enough. Like our pantry, our home is similarly overloaded and groaning with excess.

This Lent I would like to live as we did during the Pantry Challenge. That is, with what we have and to evaluate that bounty against what we need. I want to begin to give a lot of it away to those who might need it more than we. My desire is to live with less. I want to begin to go through our “stuff” a little each day of these 40 days and have it leave our home for good, without the desire to replace it.

I say all of this as I leave for a quilt show. The main attraction is the vendor hall. Filled with fabric calling my name. There is a (very) little which I do need to purchase in order to make this quilt for a class on Sunday:

But … I have so much fabric, that if I were better prepared, I ought not to need even this. So I’m purchasing the fabric I need for this quilt. And two other pieces I need for quilts already in progress. These are pre-planned purchases. My heart is feeling faint as I write this. Please, if you read this, pray for me this weekend.

I’ve been double-tagged (this time by Brother Maynard), which is not to say double-teamed, because it was done independently and innocently.  I guess this means I have friends.  Which is a very nice thing to have …

1) What’s the most fun work you’ve ever done, and why? (two sentences max)

Scoring LightGirl’s hockey games.  I’ve just trained for it, but I know I’ll have a ball and better still it will force me to pay attention.

2) Name one thing you did in the past that you no longer do but wish you did? (one sentence max)

Continue learning Arabic and languages in general; I pick up languages really easily and I’d love to keep up with Arabic it’s a beautiful language.

3) Name one thing you’ve always wanted to do but keep putting it off? (one sentence max)

Paint my bedroom … and make into a safe haven; it’s always been the last room in the house to get decorated (that’s a euphemism for never).

4) What two things would you most like to learn or be better at, and why? (two sentences max)

Arabic because I want to get back to my first love, Middle Eastern studies, and to be able to work towards reconciliation in the Middle East.   Art quilting theory to move towards more art sense in my quilting.

5) If you could take a class/workshop/apprentice from anyone in the world living or dead, who would it be and what would you hope to learn? (two more sentences, max)

Georgia O’Keefe to learn how she looked at the world and to see it through her eyes and with her sense of color and light.

6) What three words might your best friends or family use to describe you?

funny, creative, generous (two of my best friends came up with these for me 😉 ) a fourth word is “tease” … they are so fond of me.

7) Now list two more words you wish described you…

wise (again with the wise), skinny

8) What are your top three passions? (can be current or past, work, hobbies, or causes– three sentences max)

redemption, history, fabric (not necessarily in that order)

9) Write–and answer–one more question that YOU would ask someone (with answer in three sentences max)

What’s your background, as in where do you come from?
I was born in western Massachusetts, spent time in Kansas and then raised in Vermont.  Went to college in upstate New York and I’ve lived in northern Virginia for most of my adult life after a couple of years in Washington DC.

Now … who to spread this virus, I mean, who to tag?

Hmmmm … GoldenGirl, BrickDude, LinusLetters, StaplerGuy, WittyPoet

My Christmas giving was scarred for life by an experience in my teen years. Brother1 and I went in together to get Brother2 a pocket knife. Brother2 was about 11 at the time. For those of you who know LightBoy, they share many characteristics. All the good ones. Brother1 and I were fairly unwitting in our choice of gift. We knew it was desired, but we were unaware of the depth of desire. All I can remember of the moment of unveiling is Brother2 sitting on our old rickety sofa, with the Buck Knife cradled in his 2 hands as if it were the Hope Diamond, repeating over and over,

“Buck.”

“Knife.”

“OHhhhhhh”

There just aren’t many gifts in one’s life that can match that. I’ve given up trying. Sort of. There’s a little piece of me that wants to achieve it each year, but I’ve finally realized that it is indeed fruitless to attempt it.

I came close this year. I gave LightHusband a lens for his camera that he’s been joking about for quite some time. Only apparently it wasn’t a joke. So here are two of the many photos he’s taken with it since he took it out of the box. He has not yet sent me my favorite … maybe I’ll post it later this evening.

Here is LightGirl in a moment of rest after she opened her goalie gear. She then wore said gear for the remainder of the opening. It was amusing to open gifts with a sta-puf marshmallow girl. 😉

Here is a rooster that hangs in one of my kitchen windows. Isn’t he colorful? He was supposed to go to my mother. Sorry LightMom. But I liked him too much after I got him. So he stayed here. The LightQueenMother got lighted knitting needles instead.