Yesterday was a marker of two things. One in the world and one in our family, but both were large.

Yesterday marked the fourth anniversary of the war in Iraq.

Yesterday was Lightboy’s tenth birthday.

I hate that war. It fills me with revulsion. It is being fought for all the wrong reasons. We were told lies to make it palatable. We are still being told lies to keep the real issues from coming to the table. If we were ever able to sit down and talk amongst ourselves about the truth, the money would dry up. I hate that war with every fiber of my soul. Men, women and children are dying to keep a few fat rich men fatter and richer.

I hate most of all that it gets discussed, vigils are held, and opinions expressed, etc. every year on the day that I must attempt to be merry and happy for my son. I love my boy and I love to remember the day he was born and all the days he has been with us since (all three thousand six hundred fifty of them). The struggle to overcome that tension saps my strength. I avoid the news and my usual on-line haunts. But somehow I can’t avoid the inside of my head.

Lightboy had a good birthday. He never knew. He never does. Beginning next year, though I will give him the choice. He will be old enough to choose to participate in vigils or stay home. To hear and read the articles or not. It will be his choice.

It was a quiet birthday. Just us. He got his most lusted after gift … Test Tube Aliens (article here). And he got a surprise that he didn’t know existed … the game Zathura. This is a game which is based on a movie that we all love. The game is an integral part of the movie. We played last night after cake. It was fun and we imagined we were in the movie. It was a good day to be 10.

Child soldiers have been getting quite a bit of press lately.  They are in vogue in Sudan.  This is an especially distasteful practice wherein orphans are used as cannon fodder and bait to be soldiers in wars which they cannot understand.  When it hit the press recently I remember thinking that it sounded familiar to me but I couldn’t put my finger on it.  An e-mail from an old friend was a poignant reminder.  The friend was our best man and has remained in our circle.  He sent us an article which was a memoir of the death of his cousin at the hands of child soldiers in Sierra Leone in 1999.  Ahhhh … before it became vogue to report on them.  That’s how I know.

It’s strange to look at this photo.  To see the line of our friend’s jaw and a shared arched brow and glint in his eye, but yet … overall … a stranger’s face.  A stranger who is dead now.  His mother and father in perpetual mourning.  Murdered at the hands of children the age of LightBoy.

What have we come to?

In an attempt to keep up with LightGirl I got a MySpace account. Well … that’s not quite true. I got one before she did because I wanted to test the parental controls and the privacy controls. She found out I have a MySpace. Well … I told her. She thinks it’s wonderful. Here is a conversation we have recently had between our two MySpace accounts:

—————– Original Message —————–
From: LightGirl
Date: Feb 5, 2007 9:16 AM
OMG!!

Mom you need help pimping up your myspace!!!

—————– Original Message —————–
From: Lady oF Light
Date: Feb 5, 2007 10:14 AM
RE: OMG!!

Why … yes, I believe I do. Do you know anyone who might be of assistance in said “pimping up?”

Silly girl!

Love you …
—————– Original Message —————–
From: LightGirl
Date: Feb 6, 2007 9:09 AM

RE: RE: OMG!!
yes I will help you!!! Dumdada DDUUUUMMMMM!! YAY!!! so if your sooo bored I will help you pimp up your myspce!!

On the days when I’m not completely frustrated by having a teenager, I absolutely love it. She is hilarious. I love watching her try on new pieces of life.

Once my MySpace is adequately “pimped” I may even share it with others 😉

There’s no checking in girl’s ice hockey ….

… there is, however, some jumping and leaning!

You can see more photos of LightGirl’s game on Saturday here … she is number 94.  They won (by the way) and it was the goalie’s second game playing in the net.  She’s only 10 years old and did a fabulous job.  I love girl’s hockey.  I really love how it’s teaching my daughter to own herself.

We’re the only team in the league to have a woman coach.  I’m happy with that.  I hope she returns next year.  I think it’s important for our daughters to have strong role models like that.  I like her style of coaching and what she’s teaching the girls about how to play and how to be a team together.  I think it’s planting good roots for them.  This has been a hard year for all of them, but they will be better players and better people for it and I am glad.

…. in which I believe we finally see the end of the line.

Breakfast – waffles.  In an attempt to appease the natives (LightChildren) I made waffles for breakfast.  This, however, put me into a post-breakfast coma despite the addition of 2 soft boiled eggs.  I can only eat waffles/pancakes on very limited occasions for breakfast … a weekday is not one.

Lunch – (so picture Evita here singing “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina”) I’m singing “Don’t Bake For Me Frozen Crap”  I will never eat it again … I shake my fist at you frozen crap in my freezer.  I will not eat you in a boat.  I will not eat you with a goat.  I will not eat you on a lake.  I will not eat you with a rake.  No no no no no.  But … I did.  Chicken nugget creatures with some leftover curried rice salad.

Snack with coffee – I baked up some frozen mini-cinnamon rolls.  Only they had gotten freezer burned.  Or something.  YUCK.  Throw them away before they contaminate someone.

Dinner – Subway on our way to hockey practice.  Grinder was good.  Doritos …. first 3 were tasty.  next 3 not so much.  Threw away the rest of the bag.  LightChildren gagged at smell of snackfood bags open in car.  Interesting.  Sugar cookie … HORRIBLE.  Two bites that I still tasted this morning.

This morning LightHusband and I decided to wave the white flag.  We’re done.  Steve Jr. … we’re giving in gracefully.  Two days ago the LightChildren were complaining that there was no soda, now they are pining after juice.  We have one chicken (freezer date unknown???), assorted frozen appetizers, 4 bags of dried lentils, 2 containers of sour cream, 3 jars of maraschino cherries and assorted other oddities left.  Nothing to make meals out of anymore.

It is time to go to the grocery store in a very planned and cautious fashion.  With a list.  And a menu plan.   More later … it’s time to take the LightChildren rollerskating.

… in which we begin to daydream about what we will purchase on that first trip back to the grocery store.

Breakfast – grilled potatoes and eggs mixed together.

Lunch – LightHusband had one of his now infamous lunch meetings. I worked out with friends so LightChildren were on their own. I had a grilled cheese sandwich upon my return before I shot off to another appointment.

Dinner – Inch-thick porkchops baked in glaze of MapleApple Drizzle, with Sweet Apple Orzo and Sugar Snap Peas on the side. It should have been wonderful and the table looked spectacular. And after 14 days on this challenge I was quite proud of this achievement …. until that first bite of pork chop …. that took five. minutes. (and some very hard work) to chew. Pork chops which have been frozen for 5 months are sort of ummmmm …. tough. So we laughed and giggled all through dinner and called them pork bricks and decided that even the LightDog might hurt his jaws on them. Then we began discussing how this whole experience might change the way we think about food and how we eat. What things we buy and where and when we eat. It was a good meal.

The cereal is all gone. I could make oatmeal, except that my homemade oatmeal requires applejuice. So that’s out. We’re down to some version of eggs or pancakes/waffles for breakfast. We still have gobs and gobs of frozen crap for lunches. We all decided that we don’t particularly care for that stuff. We won’t be purchasing it anymore.

In the main, I think we’re going to be more intentional about food. Which sounds sort of silly. But I think we’re going to go to the grocery store less often and with a list and a plan. And stick to the plan during the week. I know the LightChildren will heartily disagree with this, but there has been a lot of freedom in this challenge. There is tyranny in too many choices. Freedom may be found in just the right number of choices. This seems counter-intuitive, but it’s something I’m finding more and more often as I get a little further along in my journey of life.

Now for a random change of thought.  I was in a different from usual grocery store the other day (to purchase eggs and milk).  In this particular store the cigarettes were directly behind the cashier and the carton prices were clearly marked on brightly colored pieces of paper.  I was with BlazingEwe and we both commented on how very expensive cigarettes are.  We asked the cashier what the per pack price is.  Her answer?  $3 to $5 per pack depending on the brand.  The per carton prices were around $35 each.  We walked out astonished.  And commented on the fact that smoking is a habit that is found primarily among the working class; those who can least afford it.  They are those who can least afford the habit or the health consequences.  It just wrung our hearts.

… in which I think I must have lost count somewhere …

Breakfast – cereal supplies are dwindling.  We still had cereal, but I had the last crumbs of Life and we began to discuss what we would have for breakfast after the cereal runs out.

Lunch – more of the seemingly endless supplies of frozen crap

Dinner – LightHusband and LightChildren ate at hockey rink where LightGirl had practice and LightBoy had lessons.  BlazingEwe came over while the FlamingLambs also went to the rink for skating lessons with LightHusband.  She and I had leftover curried rice salad and cheddar cheese for dinner while we cut fabric for our class in February.

Nothing witty or insightful today.  Maybe we’ll take some photos.  Our shelves are getting bare.  I haven’t checked the freezer lately.  We keep using stuff and using stuff and it seems to be endless.  I would like to go shopping some day soon.

… in which we subliminally toss the whole thing out the window.

Breakfast – LightHusband was up and out before the rest of us awoke, but there was a telltale bowl on the table. LightChildren had cereal … I think. I believe I may have forgotten to eat a proper breakfast but did toast a remaining English muffin around 11 and had some strawberry rhubarb jam on it.

Lunch – you guessed it.

Dinner – was supposed to be fried rice. But when we pulled our 3 frozen chicken breasts from the freezer … they had been gone too long. Remember I said I’ve been faint of heart? It was the FlamingLamb twins birthday, so we went out to dinner to celebrate. We have not bought any food to add to our pantry. But we may be out of the competition. I’ll leave that one up to the judges.

Today is the big retreat day. I’m making bean soup, curried rice salad and corn bread for lunch. I’m making some changes to the bean soup recipe because we do not have tomato-vegetable soup. So I’m using chili sauce and chicken broth with additional herbs and spices. Since I’ve never made this before I have no expectations.

Dinner will be frozen lasagna with homemade bread. I’m also making bread pudding with hard sauce. Afternoon snack will be scones and coffee.

I love bread machines.

Tomorrow I may just collapse.

Update:  at breakfast this morning … LightHusband, “Last of the juice!”  LightBoy, “One step closer to FAST FOOD!!!!”

… in which I feel faint of heart.

Breakfast – cereal again. We’re running quite low. LightGirl confided in me that she does not particularly care for instant oatmeal (that we have 2 or 3 boxes of). She really prefers my homemade version. Too …. Bad.

Lunch – more frozen garbage from hell Schwans. I had a Design Team meeting in the evening which means my dinner is taken care of and the rest of the family can have leftover Beef Soup before hockey practice. LightGirl ate the. last. containerofapplesauce which I was lusting after to put on a piece of gingerbread. I’m still bitter about this. I will not reveal how petty I am to my daughter. But she will pay for her gluttony. Or something. She will have to eat instant oatmeal.

Dinner – Design Team meeting at which was served a SALAD from which emanated beams of light and a chorus of angels and cheese fondue (also very very good) into which we dunked bread AND apples. I was especially fond of the apples. LightHusband and Children had leftover Beef Soup and loved it again. It is good. LightBoy thinks I got the recipe from “colonial days.” I told him I made it up. I soared in his eyes. In about a year I’m going to bump my arse with him … but it’s nice right now.

I would quit now. Except I’m pretty sure we haven’t learned what we need to learn yet. We’re not done. I don’t know how I’ll know. But I will know when we’re done. Or. We will run out of food. Or. We will get scurvy or something horrible.

That’s all I have for today.

… in which I begin to embrace the reality of my packratting ways.

Breakfast – cereal all around. Yes, we still have cereal. Yes, I am still hoarding the “Life.” Yes, I am the evil Mommy.

Lunch – after the great freezer purge and reorganize we all had various frozen treats that were reheated in the microwave. I had chicken potpie. We have many, many chicken pot pies. The LightChildren had single serve lasagnas.

Dinner – homemade beef & barley soup with Schwan’s Southern Style biscuits. Finished one bag (three more to go) This is terrible. LightBoy made cookies for dessert. There is enough leftover soup for another meal and several single servings.

From what I understand we are down to three now. Sherri, Steve and me/us. As my AwakeFriend pointed out to me with his characteristic wiseacre grin, the winner here is really the biggest loser. Whoever wins, we both agreed, is the one who’s been hoarding the most food and who wants to cop to that? So this contest is now beginning to give me a stomache-ache. Do I really want my nasty little hoarding habits hung out on a limb for all to see? I know I hoard fabric, but that doesn’t cause anyone else to go to sleep hungry, does it? Or does it? I’m not so sure any more.

It has made LightHusband happy. Our outflow in the cash department has all but ceased. Good for the bank account. Hmmm … there are some good lessons there. Lessons that I hoped we’d learn. But will they hold? That remains to be seen. Is it wise to help our bank account? What does that do to the local economy? That’s no excuse to spend wildly, but what does it do to the economy for everyone to become thrifty?

Well, the aforementioned AwakeFriend is coming for coffee and I might have mentioned some gingerbread. So I’m going to rustle some up and ponder these large questions of life.